it didn't occur to me how cold this world can be... until today.

when my lecturer finally announced his decision for weightage of the test to stay the way as mentioned during the very 1st lecture, cos it won't be fair to the other students if a make-up test was to be implemented.

i understood my lecturer's position completely. taking either side will hurt feelings. so the fairest and best course of action? to stick to the initial plan of test 35% , final 55%.

to be honest, i failed the test badly. and since neither crying nor sighing would change reality, i've learnt to accept it.

initially my lecturer was saying, for those ppl who failed the test but are able to score better in the exam, he would consider adjusting the weightage of the exam to 90%. my hopes were raised slightly.

but clearly, ppl whose scores were at the higher percentile were unhappy wif this arrangement as some of them had worked hard for the test and doing this would be unfair to them.
then some others suggested having a re-test, change of the negative-marking system etc, but none of the changes could be done. everything was "unfair unfair unfair".

till yesterday when i learnt about my lecturer's final decision, it's like having a cold bucket of water being poured onto myself and all my hopes dashed, that i realised how heartless ppl are. they are so heartless in denying others a second chance.

i'm not blaming my lecturer. i'm really not.

i was just thinking...how pathetic this world can be. when you're the one scoring full marks, you won't understand how ppl who've failed the test are feeling. you wouldn't even bother to know, since you're already basking in your own glory and achievement.

for ppl (like me) who failed, we're trying means and ways to see how we can try to keep up wif the rest and if possible to give ourselves another go at it. but you know what? we don't even have to think or say so much cos others simply won't give us the opportunity to.
there's no room for regrets, only one chance -- strike it or destroy it.

this test has created much spark within the class. even as i'm typing my blog now, there's this ongoing "war" among students in the emails. ppl are still arguing over the marks awarded for the question that has been marked wrongly. yaddah yaddah yaddah.

what for?

at times, i feel sorry for my lecturer. award marks, ppl complain. don't award marks, ppl also complain. want to deduct marks, ppl complain even more. i guess his job is the most challenging of all. he said he received 10 over emails a day on the test issue...

sigh.

you know, sometimes when ppl give up on you, you can't help but want to give up on yourself too.